28 Things in 28 Years

cihud doodle1

Yesterday I just turned 28, so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME..!

My 27 was so great, and some checklists were accomplished but the journey is still long. I feel fulfilled most of it because I started doing what I love, less stress, met interesting people and had new experiences. I am establishing my fashion brand, RAYU, which I’ve never thought I could be as I didn’t have a good support system in my closest surrounding when I was growing up.

Here are the 28 things I’ve learned in my 28 years wandering in this planet. Doesn’t mean they should be applied to other people’s lives, I’m just sharing these values and principles I hold.

  1. Everything happens for a reason.

There’s nothing such as coincidence, there must be reasons for everything. There are reasons why I wrote this, why you’re reading this, why we met and haven’t met somebody, etc. Most of the time we don’t find the reason right away, it takes time, sometimes an hour, a week, a year, 10 years. But whatever happened, they happened for the best.

2. I can’t control everything.

As much as I want everything to be under my control, I can’t and will never be able to do it. Especially when it involves other people’s feeling, but I am in control of my own feeling and how I should react to everything. And I should not worry over things I know I can’t control, for some things, I have no choice but just letting they go with the flow. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.

3. Nothing is permanent, everything is temporary.

Whether it’s good or bad, things are not gonna last forever. So, when good things happen, enjoy while they last. When bad things happen, don’t worry, they shall pass.

4. Life is short.

I saw people I know passed away or dying or being depressed. I realized how short life is and in this one short life I don’t wanna do and be something I don’t like. Life is too short to be spent in one place, to be someone I am not, to read only one book, to have only one dream.

5. Invest on yourself and experience.

I guess many of us made mistakes in the first time we start earning money, we spent it on luxury. Now I’d rather invest on developing myself, improving skills and gaining experience. Because when I am old and my hair is grey, I will not remember the specification of iphone or gadgets I bought, I’m gonna remember moment. Memory is what we’ll have in the end. And my skills are can take me places.

6. Take a good care of yourself.

Like it or not, we cant expect much from people no matter how close we are to them. I am in my 20s is gonna be the one who takes care of me in my 50s, not my husband, not my kids.

7. Don’t hold grudges.

Life is too short to be mad at others and at yourself. I need to have the ability to forgive or at least forget, because I only have one heart. I should not make grudge a drive to do something. For example, trying to prove to parents because of what they did/ didn’t do. That means I am doing something out of grudges, instead of love. The only reason why I wanna do something must be love and should not be any other drives. Because when you do something because you love it, you don’t need to prove to anyone.

8. People can’t really change.

One’s personality can’t really change permanently. Maybe they change for a temporary, but not forever. So I don’t want to waste my time with people whose characters are soo in contrast to mine. I only have two choices, either to leave or to accept them as they are. If I choose to leave, I should not regret. If I choose to stay, I should not complain.

9. If I do nothing, nothing happens.

The truth is that everything worth having doesn’t come easily, even if you’re born as Paris Hilton. If I say I want to have something but I don’t do anything related to achieving it, I shouldn’t expect it’s gonna be served on my plate because life doesn’t work that way. If I say I wanna be a writer, then I have to at least write a paragraph daily. And I have to react fast to change my own situation. If bad things happen, do something to fix it. If good things happen, do something to maintain and improve it. If nothing happens, do something to make it happen.

10. In life, we need mentors.

Most of the questions we ask have been asked and answered by people before us, so I have to reduce my ego and learn from as many as possible. I was so stubborn before to do everything self-taught, which is not totally bad, but it would have been more time-efficient if I had had mentors, time is soo expensive that no stores sell it once you wasted it.

11. Don’t mind other people’s opinion.

Sometimes being stubborn is good. I can’t please everyone, there’s always gonna be people who disagree or simply don’t understand my choices. But that’s okay, I don’t owe explanation nor happiness to anyone but myself.

12. Stop depending happiness on other people.

I’ve had felt down and really sad many times and I got tired of it, I always evaluated from each failure to find why I could feel that sad. I thought the answer was because of other people who did me wrong. Maybe they did, but it’s not 100% their fault, it’s mine too who had depended my happiness 100% on them, so when they left or broke my heart, I ended up feeling worthless. Until in a meditation class, the teacher told us that most of the people choose to create and rely on unstable happiness, which means the happiness from outside the mind. We feel happy or sad because of what others did to us, that’s why it’s unstable. It’s called ‘outsourcing’ happiness. Meanwhile happiness is the state of mind, so everything that makes the mind happy should come from the mind itself. Hence, the ability to manage how we react to things is very important. I’m learning and meditation helps a lot.

13. Everybody has a different clock.

When we’re still in school, almost everyone go through similar stage at the same time. But after school, everything changes. We go our ways, the roads we are on to some destinations may be in different length compared to our friends’. I shall not compare myself to others. Happiness and success are not a competition anyway.

14. I can’t do everything by myself, I still need other people.

Being independent is good, but knowing how to work smart is better. I sometimes push myself too much and try to do everything by myself. Just because I can do it by myself doesn’t mean that I have to do it by myself. I have to learn how to either drop it, add value to it or delegate it to other people.

15. Look for myself first before I start looking for others.

In life, especially for women, we’ve been taught by fears of not getting something. Therefore, we’re always told to find jobs, or husband/wife instead of discovering who we are first. Seriously, this is so wrong and the consequence is high because you risk your TIME. If being in a wrong job or a relationship just risk money, it still can be repaid. But if I lose time, where should I go to get it back?

16. The opposite of love is fear, not hate.

Money is not the root of all evils, it’s fear. Fears that transform to other names, it becomes jealousy, hate, greediness, grudge, etc. And we fear to admit that it’s fear.

17. Hard work never betrays.

I don’t know how many times I feel down during learning process. I get bored and not rarely I fail. Slowly I see things getting together as long as I do things consistently. Sacrifice needs to be made, but someday this will pay off. Work until I know better, and when I know better, do better.

18. There’s no shortcut to success.

Patience is not one of my best capabilities, I always wanted to get things fast when I want it. That’s why I always tried to find shortcuts, in the end they cost me more in price, time, and energy. From this I learned to be more patient and love the process. Like it or not, not everyone is born a superman, so we need to go through process in order to achieve success.

19. My vibe attracts my tribe

I should not complain about the people in my circumstance because the reason why my circumstance doesn’t change is because I haven’t change myself into the energy I want to attract. So if I want to be surrounded or approached by positive people, I have to reflect it first.

20. Accept change and make friends with it.

Changes are not always scary. Comfort zone is not always good just because it’s familiar.

21. Everything has consequences.

Every decision I make today will result in my tomorrow.

22. What I tolerate makes me worried.

Sometimes being selfish is good, meaning I have to put myself first and learn to dare to say ‘NO’ to people or things that actually make me feel uncomfortable before they mount up. Be brave to leave things or people if it means for the better. It may sound heartless, but we only live once.

23. Niche down.ย 

Took me years to learn that small circle is better than big one that’s loose and shallow. Growing up, I tried to attract as many people as possible to like me, but that limited who I wanted myself to be. Now my circle has been smaller and smaller and I’m loving it. It also can be applied in business, that I should find my niche rather than targeting everyone into my market.

24. Don’t stop questioning.

Always stay a beginner.

25. Growing up doesn’t mean I have to stop having fun.

I’m not gonna be a boring person. Every child is born creative, I choose to remain creative. I don’t wanna see life as burden, I wanna see it as a playground or a blank canvas a painter would play with colors on. I wanna paint a picture I want to remember, because my name, Citra Ayu, means ‘a beautiful picture’.

26. There’s no such a thing like a ‘collective destiny’.

Just because I was born a female then I have to be and behave certain ways that an area believes in. Just because something didn’t happen to other people, it doesn’t mean it’s not gonna happen to me either.

27. Happiness and beauty are not competition.

I used to think that being an employee for years is lame, but it’s actually not. Just because something is not my cup of tea, it doesn’t mean it should be the same for other people. Just because I wanna be an entrepreneur, it doesnt mean that those who work in institution or housewives have boring lives, they have their own concept of happiness, so do I. And I am happy for other’s happiness.

28. Age is just a number!

I don’t grow old, I choose to grow gOLDen!


taken on the day I officially turn 28


Youtube Milestones: Hitting 1K Subscribers!


A blessed May this year started by my youtube channel hitting 1000 subscribers after 1 year and 3 months old and 16 videos!

In end of Jan this year, I celebrated my 500th subs and three months later I hit 1000 subs! This feels good and I’m very happy about it, maybe this is not a big number for many, but I always celebrated every milestone, since just 10 followers, 100 and 500. It’s also not easy like the youtube pioneers’ era, they gained the first-mover’s advantage when the competition was different due to less competitors. Now almost everybody has youtube channel, among tons of choices, not easy to get one loyal sub.

That’s why I learned the importance to niche down to one-two streams only when you’re just starting. I am now focusing on tutorials and I niche down to only use Bahasa Indonesia instead of English, because I target Indonesian audience and we have a big population number. If I try to grab as many audience, there are already too many English craft channels with good quality, meanwhile in Indonesia’s market, there are still very few craft and DIY channels that have good recording quality and brief tutorials. This also helps my craft blog‘s audience and views to grow!

The advantage of tutorial videos is that people watch them over and over for the step by steps so my views grow fast. Now that I hit 1k, I can apply to monetize my vids due to Youtube’s changed policy in the beginning of 2018, one of them is to have at least 1000 subs.

However monetization is not my main goal, I just want to share and be useful for others because life is too short to keep everything I’ve known just for myself. Furthermore I feel flattered by people who reached out to my soc-med accounts, asked questions, etc. Better to be surrounded with people who like me for who I am than just a big numbers of followers who don’t really care about what else I can offer to the world.

To celebrate my milestone, I plan to add one more variety of content; still about tutorials, but instead of DIY tutorials, this time I will make workout tutorials because fitness is one of my main interests in life. This also is based on the same reasons like my craft stream; because less competition in Indonesian audience. I also think that more people can relate more to workout vids, because not everyone has the need or interest in making DIYs. Every time I posted my workout vids on IG stories, I always got more views. So why not give it a try, we’ll see! But it’s gonna be more challenging than craft videos because I know people will then attack or comment on my physical appearance, I will be more body-conscious than before!

Thank you so much for people who’ve supported or even doubted me this far, those helped me to this. If you haven’t subbed yet, please visit and see if you like my channel ๐Ÿ˜€

The Truth about Living Your Passion

I’ve passed the phase when I questioned what I want to do to in life, whether I was doing my dreams or somebody else’s which is called the passion searching. That phase was filled with trials and errors and pivoting is common. In the beginning, the picture of what I wanna do in life was blurry, like solving a puzzle. At that time I was not sure what I wanted to do, but I’ve always been sure all the time about what I don’t like and don’t wanna be since I was younger. Along the way it gets clearer, I’ve never been this sure. It’s true that passion searching is important; to believe in it, chase it and live it. But after you find your passion and are sure about pursuing it, what happens next is not less important as the journey to find it.

You can find sooo many motivational speakers on Youtube to help to convince and motivate you to be true to yourself and find your passion. But in the process of chasing it (before you can enjoy your life from it), that job to convince and motivate yourself is on you only. Not many of them will tell you how hard, chaotic, mental, physical and emotional-wrecking it can be.

Unfortunately for most of us, our passions donโ€™t typically fall right into our laps. We have to get out there and take action, often with a little uncertainty, in order to discover them. Hence oftentimes passion changes.

I will say that just because you’ve found your passion, not every body should chase it and risk the comfortable life and career path they’ve had before. Because it’s only for the strong, patient, resilient, and hardworking ones. Especially if you have decided to give up your stable 9-to-5 job and focus on your passion that could be in creative or anti-mainstream field. Be ready for the misery that it will bring too, because love doesn’t always come with joy. I’m still in the striving process too, but it’s been better than months ago. Slowly but surely, the seed that you plant will blossom as long as you do it consistently.

4484This is the phase when you’ll realize that it’s much harder than you thought it would be. That youย  will question yourself, compare yourself to others, blame yourself for the things you haven’t achieved yet. Things will not go as smooth as you planned, there will be a lot of errors that test your determination, little things yet can be fatal and make you just wanna give up and go back to the normal life like other people.

You know what, every time I wanted to take my game to another level, there’s always obstacles, my phone got stolen, tablet suddenly got broken, DSLR camera couldn’t turn on, sewing machine didn’t do its job, everything happened in a row in just four months. These devices are my main production and marketing capitals which without them I can’t do much. Furthermore, I’ve been let down by the people I worked with, when they didn’t give the effort and quality they promised. There’s always things that happened to make me quit, for many times I seriously thought about quitting. But then I remind myself, this is only the beginning, too early to quit.

When you work a 9-to-5 job, there is already guidance, what you should do and how you will do it, you’ll risk other people money if you make mistakes, not yours. To make it worse, I always felt that I dont have as much time because I found my passion late, unlike other people who’ve done and got the opportunity to learn it earlier by picking the right major in uni as their passion. Meanwhile I couldn’t and I will never be able to. Even if I had been sure about my passion in creating fashion since high school, I would never have been able to go to fashion school or any design major because it’s so fricking expensive, my family can’t afford it.

And even when I’ve chosen my passion, there’s always parts of it that I don’t enjoy doing or I can’t do well. Don’t think that just because you do something love then you will enjoy every process of it. No, totally not.

Not to forget that it also means less money in the beginning, the duration may take months or years to eventually take off. This can cause another frustration when you’re used to be able to predict what you will get every month and then changed to you don’t even have idea how to survive tomorrow.

I’ve read somewhere a quote that says, the mid process of making a masterpiece always looks like a chaotic and almost-doomed ship. Which is true, every project/ design I’ve done that turned out to be good always made me had doubts in the mid process because it didn’t seem like it would. Meanwhile everything that I did smoothly turned out to be just a so-so result. So maybe that can also apply in life that if your life seems like a mess now, maybe you’re going to a great life in the future. They say, the enemy of a great life is a good life.

The graphic below from Austen Kleon’s book, “Steal Like an Artist”, perfectly describes the phase of executing ideas, where do you think you are now??




Bye Bye, My Friends!

After months of being away from home and travelling here and there, end of last month I finally reached my parent’s home again where all of my stuffs are. First time I opened my room, I looked around that pinky room that I left for half a year and whispered to my self, “Sh*t, I’ve got too many stuffs all this time that I don’t need nor use anymore.”

One of them is my book collections, among them are hundreds of my comic books. Unlike other kids who just borrow comic books from friends or comic book rental, I always push myself to own things I like since I was a kid. Many of these books had been moving places to places as I brought them with me, I wanted to be close to my books just in case I suddenly miss reading them. But this side of me has been bothering me as a person who moves often, they take space and cost money to transport them to new place. Also, in the era where you can get many books and information so easily from the internet, it’s impossible for me to choose to read these comic books again amid all the downloaded books I plan to read. So what’s the point of keeping them anymore, I don’t want to be trapped in dependence on nostalgic feelings. Furthermore, who knows where I would be and live in the future? One thing I know, I will not live in West Sumatra for a long time, maybe in other cities, maybe other countries, who knows. Hence I decided to donate them.

I’d never thought that I would ever give away my books just like that. I bought them with my pocket allowance saving when I was in elementary school. I remember how I starved myself during breaks and watched my friends enjoying their snacks. I always thought I’d have a library in my future house where I would put my books and my kids would read them. If my friends borrowed my comic books, I nagged them (sometimes terror them) to return the books immediately. Because these books mean more than books to me, they’re dreams, memory and friends. They were medicines when I felt sad when I was a kid, I grew up with them. The early role models I had in my life were not from real life, they’re from these stories instead. I didn’t like reading books without pictures, because I like drawing and adoring other people’s drawings.

But let them be those good old days, I don’t prefer purchasing real books anymore because of my nomad life. I want to keep less things in life. Also, I don’t think my kids would be interested to read them, they will have other new heroes, even I don’t want to read comic books from my parents’ era.

So finally after 20 years (I started buying books since I was 6 y.o), I posted on my soc-meds that I was looking for a new home for my comic books, my childhood friends. I don’t want them to stay unread in my quiet bed room anymore. Better they give dreams to other little kids like what they gave to me, before other new heroes come and fade their charms away.

A friend suggested me a non-profit library in Padang, West Sumatra called Shelter Utara. There, people can read and borrow books, they don’t need to pay if they want to borrow books, but they have to put books in exchange. The books I found there are very interesting, if I stay in Padang, I will absolutely rent books there. Shelter Utara also regularly holds event and discussions on arts, literary works and social phenomenons. I was amazed that this organization has established since three years ago and managed by collective young people whose vision and mission is to share knowledge. They even held free classes for kids in the neighborhood and they said kids like to come every afternoon after they play soccer. Doing this makes me feel happy, knowing that my books will cherish other people’s lives.

Screen Shot 2018-04-08 at 12.27.51 PM

I may not have them in my bookshelves anymore, but I will always have them in my memory.

Lessons that Travels Have Taught Me (so far)

Experience is the best teacher and the most experiences I’ve got are from travelling or living nomadically. I’ve moved a lot in my 27 years although none of the places I’ve lived in or visited is abroad. Well my country is big and it’s not easy for a developing country citizen like me to travel abroad. Also, every corner of Indonesia is so different even though it’s in the same island; the people, culture, norms, weather, etc are different. The first time I moved to other city was when I was 17 y.o when my parents decided to go back to their hometown in West Sumatra. I hated it back then, the fact that I had to be separated with the things and people I’d been familiar with. Ten years later, I’ve become a restless soul that always wants to be challenged by new environment periodically. It has given me long-term impacts and lessons that shape the person I am and will be. Even the ways I travel changed. Let me share some things that travels have taught me so far :D.

  1. Travel has made me realize that life is short.

Life is short to do and be something I’m not, to only read one book, to only have one perspective, to stop questioning, to not seek for answers, to be spent in only one place, to only have one dream, to learn only one skill. And most importantly, to not be shared.

2. Changes are not always scary.

Fly High Yoga by the sea in Gili Air

Starting again in new places with new people, situation etc sounded scary before for me. But I survived, I’m glad of most changes that happened, sometimes a reset button is necessary. Breaking the comfort zone is good, just because something is familiar doesn’t mean it’s better. It is when you’re already outside the box then you can see what’s wrong about the box.

3. The world is so big and there are so so so so so many people in the world.

The more places I visited and the more people from different background I met, the more I want to see and experience other places. This makes me realize that for me moving is one of my needs. Many people seek for settling down in one place until they’re old and die, while I don’t think myself belongs to that category. Even if I know Bali is my fave place to live, it doesn’t mean I want to stay in Bali forever. I will someday settle, just not now. Also, knowing that there are billions of billions of people in the world–I mean yeah of course all people know the big number of population, but many of us choose to trap ourselves into small community; like people in our city or our country only–makes me more optimistic in life that it doesn’t matter if one person doesn’t agree with nor like me, there are still billions of people in the world, even Trump is still liked by some people. It doesn’t matter if I feel I don’t belong with people in West Sumatra, maybe I just happened to be a black sheep, I met people who are like me–the black sheep–in Bali, whose homes are away from homes. There will be a lot of places in the world that are more willing to accept who you are, you just need to find where it is.

4. The more I travel, the more I need less.

The moment of packing and unpacking are the times I know I’ve been collecting or wanting things I don’t actually need. It’s the time I have to decide which one to keep in my life. I still don’t travel light, but for people who know me and with so many things I had back home, it’s an achievement to pack my life into just some briefcases. It makes me realize that if I’m ok with it during travelling, then I will be okay with same at home. The more I don’t understand why people could be so obsessed with having a big big family home, taking loans for big house, fancy cars, electricities, etc. That makes more sense to me if it’s for property business, but I can’t see myself living in a big house because I don’t need that. I need plane tickets, enough money and health.

5. Self-discovery.

I’ve read somewhere that if you want to find yourself, leave your home. My self-discovery process happens faster every time I am away from home, my goals get clearer.

6. Travel gives me hope and faith that THAT kind of life is possible.

Since my childhood, my parents and most adults around me taught me how scary it is to have no uniforms, which means a job in institution or company. I believe that every generation has their own advantage from the previous generations, hence we should not live with the same fears. My generation’s advantage is the advance of information and communication technology. I don’t want to miss this opportunity. Nomad living is possible which allow us to make money from anywhere we want. It makes it possible to earn in different currency. That if I really want something to happen, there’s always ways. Travel allows me to meet alike-minded people who many of them are more successful in their 30s than my parents who worked for over 30 years in institutions. And what great about these people are their energy and creativity that are always alive and pumped.

7. Complaint less, be more patient and grateful.

When you just move to a new place, then expect the unexpected, things go out of plans and it’s okay. I saw how people can live with less and still be happy which all too often we forget how to live like that.

8. Shop less, experience more.

I can say I’ve been very lucky to be able to travel myself since young age. But the way I travel and how I see it have changed a lot. I used to only target big cities with big malls during the sale season, travel was only about shopping for me. I always flew back with extra baggage than when I left. Doing it for years, I always felt exhausted after the holiday (and broke, of course), also felt rushed during the travel. I used to list so many shopping agenda in my itinerary for a 2-3 day holiday. I think that’s how most Indonesians are like during holidays, we try to go to as many destination as possible in super short time that we don’t really enjoy our visit anymore, it’s become more like a check-list than a relaxing holiday. Now I prefer to have much less agenda and be more spontaneous. I rarely shop unless it’s something very special that I still think of after 3 days, by then I know I really want it rather than an impulse buying. I buy something that I will use and remind me of the place when I see and use it. Someday when my hair turns grey, it’s the experience that I will remember, not how many and expensive things I bought.

9. Enjoy solo travelling while you can.

The idea of travelling with a partner and family may sound tempting to many. I have friends who missed their travelling opportunities or chances to move somewhere only because of waiting for a life partner to arrive. That’s not me, at least for this moment. Most of the time for me at this moment, I want to have a time for myself. When I get married, I will less likely have it anymore, I will have husband and kids to travel with for years. So now is my time for my self (before I get stuck with them, LOL). It’s nice to have a travel partner sometimes, but not every time.


So that’s my ode to travel. I’m sure that’s not all yet–at least what I can think of for now. I want to continue living like this, moving place to place, looking forward to more adventures and changes for the better because nothing is more exciting than seeing who I will be at the end of each one. PS: this year I will have my first international travels, can’t wait!!

My Youtube Milestone: 500 Subs!


Celebration time!!

Today my youtube channel just hit a milestone of 500 subscribers in less than a year with 14 videos! I know that for many people 500 subs mean nothing, but for me, even 10 subs is big and I really appreciate them ๐Ÿ˜€ . I mean, they’re real people, not just numbers, we should see and treat people as people, not just digits on our profile page to show off to others. Showing off and fame are not the reason why I make content (videos and writings), it’s because I love sharing and the people who love sharing. So, knowing what I made have influenced other people, even for just 4 minutes, that’s priceless!

A month ago, I just wrote about my Youtube start for the first time, and at that time–25 Nov 2017–I had 340 subbies. Fast forward to today (2 months later), it’s risen to 500! At this time, in every 48 hours, my videos are shared on other soc-med platforms for at least three times!

I actually have posted 18 videos on Youtube but I took down some videos after evaluating my 11 months being on Youtube that now I need to only focus on only 1-2 streams into only tutorials and review vids. This also because I’ve seen how my craft blog, craft shop and vids have synergised together, then I decided to remove/ separate the contents that are not consistent with that stream. I’m thinking about changing my channel’s name to my craft shops name because tutorials videos seem to be my specialty, I can’t never be a travel vlogger, I’ve tried and couldn’t enjoy my trips because of vlogging!

Every big thing starts with one small step. Even Pewdiepie hit 1000 subs after his 100th videos.ย Thank you so much for all the subs, likes, dislikes, views, comments and shares. They mean a lot to me ๐Ÿ˜€ . For you who happen to read this post and haven’t subbed, please visit and see if you like my channel ๐Ÿ˜€

Have a great year, everyone!


Pengalaman gw jadi trader dadakan

Sekitar 2-3 tahun yang lalu, belum banyak orang di Indonesia yang tau tentang cryptocurrency. Sekarang ini, gw udah beberapa kali liat bapak-bapak driver gojek yang lagi ngetem di warteg mantengin situs exchange/trading crypto Indonesia. Memang berdasarkan riset beberapa media, tahun 2017 kemaren yang membuat value crypto semakin tinggi adalah tingginya angka investor dari kalangan mom-and-pop speculators, bukan lagi dari kalangan bos-bos besar semata.

Gw sendiri pun, yang cuma cewek biasa tanpa background trading sama sekali,  sudah mendapatkan keuntungan yang (bagi gw sih) besar. Cukup untuk membiayai hidup gw di Bali buat ambil kursus fashion design yang alamakjang mahal bingit– biaya gw kuliah S1 selama empat tahun gak ada apa-apanya dengan vocational school ini yang pertemuannya bisa dihitung. Dan, cukup pula untuk membiaya produksi koleksi design pertama gw yang akan launching bulan February nanti (berhubung gw standarnya tinggi alias sok elit, gw selektif banget sama bahan kain, tekor pisan eke, hiks!) Eitsss…. jangan cepet tergiur dengan kalimat-kalimat gw yang barusan, karena kenyataannya gak segampang itu. Gw bikin tulisan ini karena masih sedikitnya resource berbahasa Indonesia tentang pengalaman trading crypto, sebaiknya dipikir-dipikir dulu sebelum mau gambling uang DP rumah, atau biaya susu anak buat trading crypto. Karena pengalaman gw meraup untung dari crypto currency datang dengan dua kejadian yang sangat berbeda.

Kejadian pertama gw murni karena gw hoki banget, kata kakek gw sih gw ini hokinya gede sedangkan abang gw itu pintar, jujur gw tersinggung dengan komen ini, huh! Seperti kebanyakan orang awam, coin crypto yang gw kenal pertama kali adalah Bitcoin yang harganya saat ini masih yang paling tinggi. Waktu gw pertama kali kenal, harganya masih di bawah 20 juta rupiah (per Januari 2018, harga 1 Bitcoin berkisar di Rp 240 juta). Gw tau Bitcoin dari internet dan temen-temen bule gw, salah satu temen bule gw malah udah bikin rumah, perusahaan, ngegaji 5 orang karyawan dari trading crypto yang dia udah lakukan selama 3 tahun. Temen gw ini, sebut saja si Tarjo, menjadikan trader sebagai pekerjaan utamanya sampai saat ini. Terus gw cari dong success stories dari penambang Bitcoin, dan ya gw tergiur buat naro uang, daripada gw taro di deposito bank. Karena yang gw baca cuma success stories doank, ya jadi pemikiran gw tentang crypto cuma yang indah-indahnya aja. Tarjo bilang, kunci utama untuk newbie adalah untuk ‘HANYA MEMULAI DENGAN JUMLAH UANG YANG LO GAK TAKUT KALO HILANG’. Kalo bagi lo, kehilangan 1 juta bikin lo sedih, ya jangan. Mulai dengan Rp 500 ribu ke bawah.

Yaudah deh saat itu gw bisa dibilang cuma ngasal aja naro duit karena gw fikir yaudah lah toh gw juga belum mau make saat itu, jumlahnya masih di angka yang gw gak akan sedih banget kalo kehilangan. Jadi gw gak pernah yang namanya ngecheckin harga, or duit gw nambah apa enggak. Trus entah kenapa dengan begonya (sumpah ini bego banget, jangan ditiru, gw cuma hoki!) gw naro duit lagi dengan jumlah yang gw udah ngerasa ngenes kalo ilang. Buat gw yang masih level tempe ini, kalo udah di atas Rp 2,5 juta udah bisa bikin gw pingin mecahin kaca kalo hilang. Tapi karena waktu itu emang gw lagi gak butuh dalam waktu dekat, jadi gw gak pernah ngecheck. Sampe gw lupa kalo duit gw disana.

Beberapa bulan setelahnya, gw sampai di point dimana gw merasa mau gak mau gw harus ambil pendidikan dan pengalaman di dunia fashion design kalo gw emang mau terjun sepenuhnya, ini bukan hal yang semudah belajar dari youtube doank (walopun youtube udah ngebantu ilmu gw banyak banget sih..) Karena selama gw di Sumatra Barat, pendidikan dan pengalaman yang gw dapetin bener-bener minim karena susah cari designer disana yang mau berbagi, kalo pun ada, mereka masang tarif yang gak kira-kira, padahal mereka mengajar tanpa modul. Ya males lah gw, mendingan gw keluar Sumbar. Barulah gw inget sama duit gw itu, pas gw buka, sumpah gw kaget banget ternyata harga Bitcoin udah naek 5 kali lipat, begitu juga duit gw! Pikir gw, mungkin karena emang niat gw baik, untuk belajar, jadi ada aja rezeki. Yaudah deh duitnya langsung gw tarik. Saat itu gw gak mau hold Bitcoinnya karena menurut gw investasi gw yang paling penting adalah peningkatan ilmu dan skills, buat apa duit banyak di tabungan tapi gak bisa dipake dan dinikmatin.

Ternyata, setelah dijalani, gw menyadari kalo estimasi biaya gw kurang dan butuh 2 kali lipat lagi kalo gw mau tenang sampai end target gw tercapai. Pusing dong gueh, gimana cara cepat buat dapet easy money. Yang kefikiran pertama kali ya Bitcoin, tapi gw gak bisa menunggu lama berbulan-bulan seperti sebelumnya, gw butuh cepat karena waktu gw terbatas. Jadi kali ini gw bener-bener ambil resiko dengan menggunakan SELURUH uang gw satu-satunya, ada kemungkinan kalo gw bisa mencapai atau lebih dari target, atau malah gw besoknya langsung jadi gembel di Bali. Disini lah baru gw merasakan kerasnya dunia trading. Jangan percaya deh kalo liat video-video anak ABG di youtube yang udah bilang pendapatan sekian per hari dari trading, gak segampang itu cuy prakteknya!

Karena kali ini gw make duit seluruhnya, gw pelajari cara ngebaca chart, analysis, dan banyak-banyak baca situs news crypto, situasi politik yang berkemungkinan mempengaruhi harga. Kali ini gak cuma main di koin besar seperti Bitcoin, tapi lebih ke koin-koin kecil seperti Ripple, Dash, ETH, XLM, etc. Dengan koin kecil, persentase gw lebih besar, jadi kalo naik, ya gw untung gede, kalo turun ya gw rugi gede. Dan gw bener-bener intense trading, hampir 24 jam selama 3 minggu full! Gw hampir gak bisa ngapa-ngapain selain mantengin market, sampe aktivitas utama gw di fashion design sempat terganggu karena gw gak fokus. Mata gw sampe kering, belom pernah seumur hidup gw mata gw berasa kayak gini. Selama 3 minggu ini, hidup dan perasaan gw seperti diobok-obok. Hari ini mungkin dapet profit 3 juta, tapi besoknya hilang 7 juta, atau sebaliknya. Gimana coba rasanya lo liat di depan mata lo duit lo hilang belasan juta dalam hitungan detik gara-gara internet lo nge-lag waktu lagi set limit. Saldo lo saat ini bukan lah saldo lo yang seutuhnya, karena kemungkinan selalu ada selama uang itu belom lo transfer ke rekening lo. In the end, gw berhasil menghasilkan lebih dari 20 juta selama 3 minggu itu, sesuai dengan target gw di awal. Dan gw memutuskan untuk berhenti sama sekali trading karena gw babak belur, physically and emotionally! Kondisi fisik mempengaruhi our emotional state. Kalo gw terusin, gw gak bahagia hidup kayak gini, karena gw sampe di titik dimana gw gak bisa trust diri gw sendiri buat nyebrang jalan, nah bayangin segitu parahnya! Yang ada di kepala gw cuma fluktuasi harga terbaru, sampe-sampe pas gw lagi beli ketoprak dan ditanya mau berapa banyak cabenya, gw malah jawab dengan harga koin terbaru. Waks! Buat apa gw tinggal di salah satu pulau terindah di dunia tapi gw gak bisa nikmatin, buat apa dikasih sehat tapi minta sakit. Tapi walopun demikian gw akui, sejauh ini, ini rekor penghasilan 1 bulan gw yang paling tinggi, selama dulu gw kerja aja gak pernah sampe segini, apalagi dalam waktu yang sesingkat ini. Mungkin bagi sebagian orang, duit segitu mah cuil yah… bagi gua sih udah wow, hehe…

Dari pengalaman gw yang udah gw jabarin, beda banget kan perbandingannya kejadian pertama dan kedua. Di kejadian pertama gw bisa tenang, masih bisa nikmatin hidup. Kejadian kedua, gw sadar-gak-sadar bermain dengan emosi, susah untuk rational karena gw menggunakan duit yang gw butuhkan. Gw sempet bertanya apakah gw seperti karena gw gak work smart ya, mungkin kalo smart trader kerjanya gak segininya… Gw konsul dengan si Tarjo, tapii selama gw kenal dia, memang Tarjo ini salah satu orang yang paling hardworking yang gw kenal. Sampe waktu dia liburan ke Bali aja dia tetep gak bisa bener-bener liburan karena harus check market. Tarjo bilang, “Welcome to my world! It’s a living hell, haha!”, Tarjo mengakui udah beberapa kali pengobatan mata, penyakit terbaru dia adalah cidera pergelangan tangan karena kelamaan di depan laptop (pergelangan tangan yang tidak aktif bergerak dan berdiam di posisi yang sama dalam waktu lama ternyata bisa menyebabkan cidera!)

Lo bisa bilang dengan gampang, “beli pas merah, jual pas ijo”, pas prakteknya gak segampang itu, mbah! Lo gak bisa tau tu candle merah bakalan sepanjang apa, walopun menurut ilmu dan analysis ini-itu bakalan berada di titik support sekian. Yang udah expert aja masih meleset, apalagi gw yang trader dadakan kemaren sore. Yang udah belajar baca chart, news etc aja masih meleset, apalagi yang cuma bermodal iman! Contohnya aja, pertengahan Desember 2017 kemaren harga Bitcoin berada di all-time high Rp 290 juta, langsung dalam kurang dari 25 menit saja dropped ke 210 juta, sampe sekarang–3 minggu kemudian–harga Bitcoin belum pulih juga. Karena lo gak bisa sepenuhnya membaca reaksi pasar dan sentimen apa yang dirasakan pasar terhadap suatu koin, tiap tahun, bulan, minggu, atau hari atau jam pasti beda.

Beberapa poin yang bisa gw jadikan pelajaran dari pengalaman trading gw:

  • Hanya gunakan uang yang lw gak takut ilang kalo lo masih mau tidur nyenyak. Jangan gunain uang yang seharusnya buat DP motor, pendidikan anak, etc buat trading. Karena gimana pun juga, sejauh ini crypto trading masih bergantung pada spekulasi. Kalo aja gw trading dengan uang yang gw gak takut ilang, gw gak akan kebawa emosi segampang itu dalam mengambil keputusan kapan harus cut loss atau hold. Jangan mudah tergiur dengan cerita-cerita tentang kaya mendadak karena bitcoins dan langsung aja mempertaruhkan biaya hidup keluarga di cryptocurrency. **Talk to myself. Kalo gw sih masih mending, tanggungan hidup gw masih diri gw sendiri, kalo gw gagal ya yang rugi gw. Nah kalo yang udah pada berkeluarga kan bisa berabeee….
  • Control your own greed. Beberapa kesalahan yang gw lakukan adalah karena gw gak mengontrol kemarukan gw. One of my mentors told me, the biggest enemy in business is not your competitor but your own greed. Padahal hari itu gw udah profit cukup, tapi gw mau lebih, ujug-ujug gw malah lost lebih besar dari profit. Kan gak mungkin yang namanya harga uptrend mulu. Hidup gak segampang itu cuy! Nah kalo udah kayak gini, kebawa emosi nih. Trading kalo pake emosi sumpah bahaya banget! Begitu juga saat ngesetting limit jual/beli, gak usah terlalu maruk lah, karena nyangkut itu rasanya merana, bos!
  • Don’t put in all of your money in one coin. Jangan terlalu cinta atau kepedean sama satu coin. Kalo satu koin jatuh, lw masih ada back-up dari koin lain.
  • Do your own research tentang potensi suatu koin (walopun, again, ini semua berdasarkan spekulasi, media juga kadang dibayar si developer coin kan buat promosi). Jangan hanya bergantung dengan apa yang lo baca di chat room, karena banyak orang dengan berbagai kepentingan dan latar belakang pendidikan yang berbeda-beda disana. Penyebar hoax ada dimana-mana.
  • English is very important! Fluktuasi harga (walopun beda negara/exchange bisa beda harga) dipengaruhi oleh banyak hal, seperti situasi politik di negara lain. Update tentang hal ini mostly berbahasa Inggris, jangan berani ambil resiko gede kalo bahasa Inggris lo masih bergantung sama Google Translate, udah tau Google Translate masih sering error, masa lo mau mempertaruhkan nasib lo sama mesin!
  • Semua koin berawal dari harga rendah, BTC sebelum di harga 200 jutaan juga bermulai di harga receh.
  • Gak selamanya CL (cut loss) itu buruk. Gw heran kalo baca di CR masih aja ada orang yang berbangga hold suatu koin padahal udah jatoh 70% and keeps getting worse, gak jelas tujuan ni orang apa, lo ini trader apa tukang jaga koin??
  • Jangan confuse tujuan lo antara mengumpulkan koin, atau mengumpulkan rupiah, itu dua hal yang berbeda. Kalo lo mengumpulkan koin, bisa jadi jumlah koin lo banyak tapi profit lo berkurang, atau profit lo bertambah tapi jumlah koin lo berkurang. Orang yang ngumpulin koin biasanya untuk investasi jangka panjang. Orang yang butuh duit cepet  buat daily life kayak gw sebaiknya mengumpulkan IDR.
  • Kalo udah profit, sebaiknya IDR disimpan, dan trade lagi hanya dengan modal awal. Jangan dengan seluruh IDR (modal dan profit). Ini emang hal basic, tapi sering banget kelupaan deh!
  • Trading ini masalah serius, gak bisa dijadiin part-time job atau income sampingan. Jangan mimpi deh. Cerita gw di awal emang gw hoki banget, tapi gak semua orang bisa hoki gitu. Ada tuh temen gw yang dia hold suatu koin tanpa trading, trus harga tu koin naik berkali-kali lipat. Dia udah merasa jadi orang pintar banget karena gak ngapa-ngapain eeeh jadi kaya mendadak. Belum sempet ber-euphoria, tau-tau harga turun jauh di bawah harga waktu dia beli. Langsung zonk donk matanya. Tapi lumayan lah ya, udah ngerasain jadi orang pintar, walopun sesaat. Untungnya dia punya main job yang gajinya gede pake banget (ya maklum lah namanya juga expats di Indonesia), dan dia juga beli dengan jumlah yang menurut dia cetek. Jadi gak berasa sedih banget dia hilang di bawah 5 juta mah, cuma sebel aja dia dikasih PHP sama coin, haha..

    Dari pengalaman yang udah jelasin, gw udah menaikkan bendera putih dari dunia trading, gak mau deh gw hidup kayak gini. Gw salut lah sama si Tarjo yang melakukan ini semua demi dia bisa pensiun dini di umur 35 tahun. Dia bilang, “Gw bakal kerja abis-abisan sampe umur gw 35 tahun dan pensiun dini, nikmatin hidup dan melakukan hal lain.” Ya iya sih bener, tapi lah kalo iya dengan gaya hidup kayak gini bisa ngebuat gw sehat sampe umur 35, lah kalo dengan hidup di masa muda kayak gini terus mah, bisa-bisa udah KO gw nanti di sebelum umur 35, gimana mau nikmatin hidupnya? Sekarang gw gak mau maruk profit lagi, berhubung gw merasa udah mengumpulkan sedikit lebih dari target gw, lebih baik gw berhenti beresiko. Karena waktu dan tenaga yang gw berikan untuk trading bagi gw gak worth it kalo dibanding dengan apa yang gw lewatkan dan korbankan. Gw masih ada hold beberapa koin yang gw anggap potensial namun dalam jumlah sedikit, yang kalo duit gw harus ilang, dalam jumlah segitu gw gak sedih banget lah, kalo naik ya syukur. Anggep aja untung-untung berhadiah.

    Mungkin lebay banget ya cerita gw ini, ya maklum lah gw kan bukan trader atau pun financial expert. Jadi mental gw gak kuat untuk bertahan lama-lama. Salut lah gw sama traders sejati, gak sanggup gw ngejalanin hidup lo, hehehe…