My Youtube Milestone: 500 Subs!

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Celebration time!!

Today my youtube channel just hit a milestone of 500 subscribers in less than a year with 14 videos! I know that for many people 500 subs mean nothing, but for me, even 10 subs is big and I really appreciate them 😀 . I mean, they’re real people, not just numbers, we should see and treat people as people, not just digits on our profile page to show off to others. Showing off and fame are not the reason why I make content (videos and writings), it’s because I love sharing and the people who love sharing. So, knowing what I made have influenced other people, even for just 4 minutes, that’s priceless!

A month ago, I just wrote about my Youtube start for the first time, and at that time–25 Nov 2017–I had 340 subbies. Fast forward to today (2 months later), it’s risen to 500! At this time, in every 48 hours, my videos are shared on other soc-med platforms for at least three times!

I actually have posted 18 videos on Youtube but I took down some videos after evaluating my 11 months being on Youtube that now I need to only focus on only 1-2 streams into only tutorials and review vids. This also because I’ve seen how my craft blog, craft shop and vids have synergised together, then I decided to remove/ separate the contents that are not consistent with that stream. I’m thinking about changing my channel’s name to my craft shops name because tutorials videos seem to be my specialty, I can’t never be a travel vlogger, I’ve tried and couldn’t enjoy my trips because of vlogging!

Every big thing starts with one small step. Even Pewdiepie hit 1000 subs after his 100th videos. Thank you so much for all the subs, likes, dislikes, views, comments and shares. They mean a lot to me 😀 . For you who happen to read this post and haven’t subbed, please visit and see if you like my channel 😀

Have a great year, everyone!

 

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Pengalaman gw jadi trader dadakan

Sekitar 2-3 tahun yang lalu, belum banyak orang di Indonesia yang tau tentang cryptocurrency. Sekarang ini, gw udah beberapa kali liat bapak-bapak driver gojek yang lagi ngetem di warteg mantengin situs exchange/trading crypto Indonesia. Memang berdasarkan riset beberapa media, tahun 2017 kemaren yang membuat value crypto semakin tinggi adalah tingginya angka investor dari kalangan mom-and-pop speculators, bukan lagi dari kalangan bos-bos besar semata.

Gw sendiri pun, yang cuma cewek biasa tanpa background trading sama sekali,  sudah mendapatkan keuntungan yang (bagi gw sih) besar. Cukup untuk membiayai hidup gw di Bali buat ambil kursus fashion design yang alamakjang mahal bingit– biaya gw kuliah S1 selama empat tahun gak ada apa-apanya dengan vocational school ini yang pertemuannya bisa dihitung. Dan, cukup pula untuk membiaya produksi koleksi design pertama gw yang akan launching bulan February nanti (berhubung gw standarnya tinggi alias sok elit, gw selektif banget sama bahan kain, tekor pisan eke, hiks!) Eitsss…. jangan cepet tergiur dengan kalimat-kalimat gw yang barusan, karena kenyataannya gak segampang itu. Gw bikin tulisan ini karena masih sedikitnya resource berbahasa Indonesia tentang pengalaman trading crypto, sebaiknya dipikir-dipikir dulu sebelum mau gambling uang DP rumah, atau biaya susu anak buat trading crypto. Karena pengalaman gw meraup untung dari crypto currency datang dengan dua kejadian yang sangat berbeda.

Kejadian pertama gw murni karena gw hoki banget, kata kakek gw sih gw ini hokinya gede sedangkan abang gw itu pintar, jujur gw tersinggung dengan komen ini, huh! Seperti kebanyakan orang awam, coin crypto yang gw kenal pertama kali adalah Bitcoin yang harganya saat ini masih yang paling tinggi. Waktu gw pertama kali kenal, harganya masih di bawah 20 juta rupiah (per Januari 2018, harga 1 Bitcoin berkisar di Rp 240 juta). Gw tau Bitcoin dari internet dan temen-temen bule gw, salah satu temen bule gw malah udah bikin rumah, perusahaan, ngegaji 5 orang karyawan dari trading crypto yang dia udah lakukan selama 3 tahun. Temen gw ini, sebut saja si Tarjo, menjadikan trader sebagai pekerjaan utamanya sampai saat ini. Terus gw cari dong success stories dari penambang Bitcoin, dan ya gw tergiur buat naro uang, daripada gw taro di deposito bank. Karena yang gw baca cuma success stories doank, ya jadi pemikiran gw tentang crypto cuma yang indah-indahnya aja. Tarjo bilang, kunci utama untuk newbie adalah untuk ‘HANYA MEMULAI DENGAN JUMLAH UANG YANG LO GAK TAKUT KALO HILANG’. Kalo bagi lo, kehilangan 1 juta bikin lo sedih, ya jangan. Mulai dengan Rp 500 ribu ke bawah.

Yaudah deh saat itu gw bisa dibilang cuma ngasal aja naro duit karena gw fikir yaudah lah toh gw juga belum mau make saat itu, jumlahnya masih di angka yang gw gak akan sedih banget kalo kehilangan. Jadi gw gak pernah yang namanya ngecheckin harga, or duit gw nambah apa enggak. Trus entah kenapa dengan begonya (sumpah ini bego banget, jangan ditiru, gw cuma hoki!) gw naro duit lagi dengan jumlah yang gw udah ngerasa ngenes kalo ilang. Buat gw yang masih level tempe ini, kalo udah di atas Rp 2,5 juta udah bisa bikin gw pingin mecahin kaca kalo hilang. Tapi karena waktu itu emang gw lagi gak butuh dalam waktu dekat, jadi gw gak pernah ngecheck. Sampe gw lupa kalo duit gw disana.

Beberapa bulan setelahnya, gw sampai di point dimana gw merasa mau gak mau gw harus ambil pendidikan dan pengalaman di dunia fashion design kalo gw emang mau terjun sepenuhnya, ini bukan hal yang semudah belajar dari youtube doank (walopun youtube udah ngebantu ilmu gw banyak banget sih..) Karena selama gw di Sumatra Barat, pendidikan dan pengalaman yang gw dapetin bener-bener minim karena susah cari designer disana yang mau berbagi, kalo pun ada, mereka masang tarif yang gak kira-kira, padahal mereka mengajar tanpa modul. Ya males lah gw, mendingan gw keluar Sumbar. Barulah gw inget sama duit gw itu, pas gw buka, sumpah gw kaget banget ternyata harga Bitcoin udah naek 5 kali lipat, begitu juga duit gw! Pikir gw, mungkin karena emang niat gw baik, untuk belajar, jadi ada aja rezeki. Yaudah deh duitnya langsung gw tarik. Saat itu gw gak mau hold Bitcoinnya karena menurut gw investasi gw yang paling penting adalah peningkatan ilmu dan skills, buat apa duit banyak di tabungan tapi gak bisa dipake dan dinikmatin.

Ternyata, setelah dijalani, gw menyadari kalo estimasi biaya gw kurang dan butuh 2 kali lipat lagi kalo gw mau tenang sampai end target gw tercapai. Pusing dong gueh, gimana cara cepat buat dapet easy money. Yang kefikiran pertama kali ya Bitcoin, tapi gw gak bisa menunggu lama berbulan-bulan seperti sebelumnya, gw butuh cepat karena waktu gw terbatas. Jadi kali ini gw bener-bener ambil resiko dengan menggunakan SELURUH uang gw satu-satunya, ada kemungkinan kalo gw bisa mencapai atau lebih dari target, atau malah gw besoknya langsung jadi gembel di Bali. Disini lah baru gw merasakan kerasnya dunia trading. Jangan percaya deh kalo liat video-video anak ABG di youtube yang udah bilang pendapatan sekian per hari dari trading, gak segampang itu cuy prakteknya!

Karena kali ini gw make duit seluruhnya, gw pelajari cara ngebaca chart, analysis, dan banyak-banyak baca situs news crypto, situasi politik yang berkemungkinan mempengaruhi harga. Kali ini gak cuma main di koin besar seperti Bitcoin, tapi lebih ke koin-koin kecil seperti Ripple, Dash, ETH, XLM, etc. Dengan koin kecil, persentase gw lebih besar, jadi kalo naik, ya gw untung gede, kalo turun ya gw rugi gede. Dan gw bener-bener intense trading, hampir 24 jam selama 3 minggu full! Gw hampir gak bisa ngapa-ngapain selain mantengin market, sampe aktivitas utama gw di fashion design sempat terganggu karena gw gak fokus. Mata gw sampe kering, belom pernah seumur hidup gw mata gw berasa kayak gini. Selama 3 minggu ini, hidup dan perasaan gw seperti diobok-obok. Hari ini mungkin dapet profit 3 juta, tapi besoknya hilang 7 juta, atau sebaliknya. Gimana coba rasanya lo liat di depan mata lo duit lo hilang belasan juta dalam hitungan detik gara-gara internet lo nge-lag waktu lagi set limit. Saldo lo saat ini bukan lah saldo lo yang seutuhnya, karena kemungkinan selalu ada selama uang itu belom lo transfer ke rekening lo. In the end, gw berhasil menghasilkan lebih dari 20 juta selama 3 minggu itu, sesuai dengan target gw di awal. Dan gw memutuskan untuk berhenti sama sekali trading karena gw babak belur, physically and emotionally! Kondisi fisik mempengaruhi our emotional state. Kalo gw terusin, gw gak bahagia hidup kayak gini, karena gw sampe di titik dimana gw gak bisa trust diri gw sendiri buat nyebrang jalan, nah bayangin segitu parahnya! Yang ada di kepala gw cuma fluktuasi harga terbaru, sampe-sampe pas gw lagi beli ketoprak dan ditanya mau berapa banyak cabenya, gw malah jawab dengan harga koin terbaru. Waks! Buat apa gw tinggal di salah satu pulau terindah di dunia tapi gw gak bisa nikmatin, buat apa dikasih sehat tapi minta sakit. Tapi walopun demikian gw akui, sejauh ini, ini rekor penghasilan 1 bulan gw yang paling tinggi, selama dulu gw kerja aja gak pernah sampe segini, apalagi dalam waktu yang sesingkat ini. Mungkin bagi sebagian orang, duit segitu mah cuil yah… bagi gua sih udah wow, hehe…

Dari pengalaman gw yang udah gw jabarin, beda banget kan perbandingannya kejadian pertama dan kedua. Di kejadian pertama gw bisa tenang, masih bisa nikmatin hidup. Kejadian kedua, gw sadar-gak-sadar bermain dengan emosi, susah untuk rational karena gw menggunakan duit yang gw butuhkan. Gw sempet bertanya apakah gw seperti karena gw gak work smart ya, mungkin kalo smart trader kerjanya gak segininya… Gw konsul dengan si Tarjo, tapii selama gw kenal dia, memang Tarjo ini salah satu orang yang paling hardworking yang gw kenal. Sampe waktu dia liburan ke Bali aja dia tetep gak bisa bener-bener liburan karena harus check market. Tarjo bilang, “Welcome to my world! It’s a living hell, haha!”, Tarjo mengakui udah beberapa kali pengobatan mata, penyakit terbaru dia adalah cidera pergelangan tangan karena kelamaan di depan laptop (pergelangan tangan yang tidak aktif bergerak dan berdiam di posisi yang sama dalam waktu lama ternyata bisa menyebabkan cidera!)

Lo bisa bilang dengan gampang, “beli pas merah, jual pas ijo”, pas prakteknya gak segampang itu, mbah! Lo gak bisa tau tu candle merah bakalan sepanjang apa, walopun menurut ilmu dan analysis ini-itu bakalan berada di titik support sekian. Yang udah expert aja masih meleset, apalagi gw yang trader dadakan kemaren sore. Yang udah belajar baca chart, news etc aja masih meleset, apalagi yang cuma bermodal iman! Contohnya aja, pertengahan Desember 2017 kemaren harga Bitcoin berada di all-time high Rp 290 juta, langsung dalam kurang dari 25 menit saja dropped ke 210 juta, sampe sekarang–3 minggu kemudian–harga Bitcoin belum pulih juga. Karena lo gak bisa sepenuhnya membaca reaksi pasar dan sentimen apa yang dirasakan pasar terhadap suatu koin, tiap tahun, bulan, minggu, atau hari atau jam pasti beda.

Beberapa poin yang bisa gw jadikan pelajaran dari pengalaman trading gw:

  • Hanya gunakan uang yang lw gak takut ilang kalo lo masih mau tidur nyenyak. Jangan gunain uang yang seharusnya buat DP motor, pendidikan anak, etc buat trading. Karena gimana pun juga, sejauh ini crypto trading masih bergantung pada spekulasi. Kalo aja gw trading dengan uang yang gw gak takut ilang, gw gak akan kebawa emosi segampang itu dalam mengambil keputusan kapan harus cut loss atau hold. Jangan mudah tergiur dengan cerita-cerita tentang kaya mendadak karena bitcoins dan langsung aja mempertaruhkan biaya hidup keluarga di cryptocurrency. **Talk to myself. Kalo gw sih masih mending, tanggungan hidup gw masih diri gw sendiri, kalo gw gagal ya yang rugi gw. Nah kalo yang udah pada berkeluarga kan bisa berabeee….
  • Control your own greed. Beberapa kesalahan yang gw lakukan adalah karena gw gak mengontrol kemarukan gw. One of my mentors told me, the biggest enemy in business is not your competitor but your own greed. Padahal hari itu gw udah profit cukup, tapi gw mau lebih, ujug-ujug gw malah lost lebih besar dari profit. Kan gak mungkin yang namanya harga uptrend mulu. Hidup gak segampang itu cuy! Nah kalo udah kayak gini, kebawa emosi nih. Trading kalo pake emosi sumpah bahaya banget! Begitu juga saat ngesetting limit jual/beli, gak usah terlalu maruk lah, karena nyangkut itu rasanya merana, bos!
  • Don’t put in all of your money in one coin. Jangan terlalu cinta atau kepedean sama satu coin. Kalo satu koin jatuh, lw masih ada back-up dari koin lain.
  • Do your own research tentang potensi suatu koin (walopun, again, ini semua berdasarkan spekulasi, media juga kadang dibayar si developer coin kan buat promosi). Jangan hanya bergantung dengan apa yang lo baca di chat room, karena banyak orang dengan berbagai kepentingan dan latar belakang pendidikan yang berbeda-beda disana. Penyebar hoax ada dimana-mana.
  • English is very important! Fluktuasi harga (walopun beda negara/exchange bisa beda harga) dipengaruhi oleh banyak hal, seperti situasi politik di negara lain. Update tentang hal ini mostly berbahasa Inggris, jangan berani ambil resiko gede kalo bahasa Inggris lo masih bergantung sama Google Translate, udah tau Google Translate masih sering error, masa lo mau mempertaruhkan nasib lo sama mesin!
  • Semua koin berawal dari harga rendah, BTC sebelum di harga 200 jutaan juga bermulai di harga receh.
  • Gak selamanya CL (cut loss) itu buruk. Gw heran kalo baca di CR masih aja ada orang yang berbangga hold suatu koin padahal udah jatoh 70% and keeps getting worse, gak jelas tujuan ni orang apa, lo ini trader apa tukang jaga koin??
  • Jangan confuse tujuan lo antara mengumpulkan koin, atau mengumpulkan rupiah, itu dua hal yang berbeda. Kalo lo mengumpulkan koin, bisa jadi jumlah koin lo banyak tapi profit lo berkurang, atau profit lo bertambah tapi jumlah koin lo berkurang. Orang yang ngumpulin koin biasanya untuk investasi jangka panjang. Orang yang butuh duit cepet  buat daily life kayak gw sebaiknya mengumpulkan IDR.
  • Kalo udah profit, sebaiknya IDR disimpan, dan trade lagi hanya dengan modal awal. Jangan dengan seluruh IDR (modal dan profit). Ini emang hal basic, tapi sering banget kelupaan deh!
  • Trading ini masalah serius, gak bisa dijadiin part-time job atau income sampingan. Jangan mimpi deh. Cerita gw di awal emang gw hoki banget, tapi gak semua orang bisa hoki gitu. Ada tuh temen gw yang dia hold suatu koin tanpa trading, trus harga tu koin naik berkali-kali lipat. Dia udah merasa jadi orang pintar banget karena gak ngapa-ngapain eeeh jadi kaya mendadak. Belum sempet ber-euphoria, tau-tau harga turun jauh di bawah harga waktu dia beli. Langsung zonk donk matanya. Tapi lumayan lah ya, udah ngerasain jadi orang pintar, walopun sesaat. Untungnya dia punya main job yang gajinya gede pake banget (ya maklum lah namanya juga expats di Indonesia), dan dia juga beli dengan jumlah yang menurut dia cetek. Jadi gak berasa sedih banget dia hilang di bawah 5 juta mah, cuma sebel aja dia dikasih PHP sama coin, haha..

    Dari pengalaman yang udah jelasin, gw udah menaikkan bendera putih dari dunia trading, gak mau deh gw hidup kayak gini. Gw salut lah sama si Tarjo yang melakukan ini semua demi dia bisa pensiun dini di umur 35 tahun. Dia bilang, “Gw bakal kerja abis-abisan sampe umur gw 35 tahun dan pensiun dini, nikmatin hidup dan melakukan hal lain.” Ya iya sih bener, tapi lah kalo iya dengan gaya hidup kayak gini bisa ngebuat gw sehat sampe umur 35, lah kalo dengan hidup di masa muda kayak gini terus mah, bisa-bisa udah KO gw nanti di sebelum umur 35, gimana mau nikmatin hidupnya? Sekarang gw gak mau maruk profit lagi, berhubung gw merasa udah mengumpulkan sedikit lebih dari target gw, lebih baik gw berhenti beresiko. Karena waktu dan tenaga yang gw berikan untuk trading bagi gw gak worth it kalo dibanding dengan apa yang gw lewatkan dan korbankan. Gw masih ada hold beberapa koin yang gw anggap potensial namun dalam jumlah sedikit, yang kalo duit gw harus ilang, dalam jumlah segitu gw gak sedih banget lah, kalo naik ya syukur. Anggep aja untung-untung berhadiah.

    Mungkin lebay banget ya cerita gw ini, ya maklum lah gw kan bukan trader atau pun financial expert. Jadi mental gw gak kuat untuk bertahan lama-lama. Salut lah gw sama traders sejati, gak sanggup gw ngejalanin hidup lo, hehehe…

    Two, O, Seventeen

    I’m writing this while lousy new year party’s fireworks are outside, coloring Bali’s night sky, every corner in Bali has its own firework party.

    Can’t believe it’s already a brand new year. Time flies fast when you’re enjoying what you’re doing. My 2017 was great, especially since the second semester of the year, after my 27th birthday. Or maybe my 27th is great.

    I am happy that every year of my life I’ve never had a dull year so far, hard times yes but never dull. Because I always try new things every year, every age. There’s always new lessons I got, new skills I improved. Haven’t achieved all that I planned this year, because life happened and plans changed, but I have major goals that I’ve carried out.

    The greatest thing about this year for me is the fact that I’ve lived in three different places in just one year; Lampung, West Sumatra and Bali. Meaning I moved every 3-4 months. The beginning of this year I started with big decision to come back to my parents’ house in West Sumatra after having been away from home for almost 10 years. It’s actually normal in Indonesian culture for kids to stay at their parents’ even until after marriage, but I had too much pride to do that, to admit that I needed them to help me go through the hard times, in order for me to achieve next steps. I felt very embarrassed before but in the end it’s proven as the right step, I am glad I did, otherwise I wouldn’t have been experiencing what I have now in Bali.

    I can say 2017 is my most favorite year of my 27 years dwelling this planet Earth. The more I explore my self, the more I love life and living. 2015 was like the moment I started to be ‘awake’. 2016 was very hard, like my rock bottom since the ‘awakening’ as the consequences of all the turns and directions I decided to take that were very different from what I used to do/be in many aspects. In 2017, things slowly got better, even though the first semester was very stressful for me, affected by my past relationship at that time. But the second semester has been really great, I could put more focus on my plans without feeling being pressured, I’ve been back to who I am, easy-going, chilled, and carefree. I’ve become my own person. I’ve met people from whom I can learn many things, new experiences and led me to have clearer goals and how-tos. Even though maybe we met for just one week, one hour or even 10 mins, there must be reasons why we met.

    This year I started my youtube channel and this blog, also made another new blog specialized in crafts and DIYs. My craft shop with my cute aprons has been running pretty well (but since I’m in Bali, I close orders due to my busyness with my course and first collection production. But still I got customers who wanted to order even though I didn’t promote my shop when in Bali.)

    In 2017, I went to several cities and places with people I met offline and online. Maybe there are still some aspects in my life that I still haven’t found the best answer yet, but that is life and I don’t want to put pressures to my self about things that I cant control, what I can do is to just react, adapt and overcome. I decided I’m done including other people’s plans in my plans, I just wanna focus on my plans and see who I will meet during the journey. Because I can’t force myself to run in accordance to other people’s timer. Neither can I do the same to other people.

    I was not really sure when starting my channel and blog(s), now I’m glad I did what I am doing. Things are just getting better. Slowly but sure.

    In 2017, I’ve learned to be more patient, that everything good takes process, endurance and consistency. Can be full with trials and errors sometimes, and I lost my motivation for some moments, because I felt that I’ve tried to give my best efforts, but it resulted below my expectation and deadlines I set for myself. I felt sad and cried, feeding my mind with negative thoughts; maybe I should stop, maybe I am not good, maybe I can never get better, maybe I started things too late. But then I got back to it, evaluate what I missed and try to admit I can’t do everything, but I can either drop it, delegate it or add something to it. And I keep going to that direction instead of taking other new direction.

    The only thing that is a bit harder happened this year is only something that happened to my family in the end of 2017. We’re having a ‘not-easy’ time—I don’t wanna call it difficult, because we’re stronger and we’ve been through hard times before and we passed it. I keep telling my self that things can only get better.

    My first bridal collection will be ready soon in 2018 and it’s still a long process to build my dreams. I have more dreams than I did before coming to Bali, before 2017. And that’s how life should be, to never stop having goals.

    New year, new feels, new chances, same dreams, fresh starts.

    Thank’s for the ride, 2017. Let’s bring it on, 2018!

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    Starting My Youtube Channel at 26

    cIMG_9940 copyAt the age of 26, when most of my friends are filling my soc-med timeline with their wedding or kids photos, I shared my first youtube video. Yes, that’s my second child in 2017. My first daughter was born in 2013, which is my craft shop, got rebranding this year, so it’s like reborn. 

    All my kids; my shop, blogs, and youtube channel, may not have blood and flesh, or chubby cheeks and thighs, but their ROIs (Return of Investment) are faster than those with. LOL. 

    What was I thinking that made me suddenly join the youtube pond? To be honest, I’ve never planned to broadcast myself before, that just looked too narcissistic for me, haha, and I didn’t have the guts to talk in front of a camera. I can talk more confidently with my thesis supervisors or bosses than to a camera. I feel it can be so judgemental. 

    But since I am a true millennial, I realized the importance of putting my self on the internet map. I want to reach and be reached by more people. Besides the fact that I love sharing and the people who love sharing, I believe that my personal branding is my future investment. If I’m good at something, I have to find ways how to present it. Especially that I’ve already decided to stop working back-stage for other people/ company/ organization. 

    I do many different things, from blogging (this personal blog and my craft blog), youtube content making, making and selling my crafts and studying fashion design. But in the end, actually all of these are connected into one stream that will help each other. 

    It was on February 28th 2017 that I made my first youtube content. Weeks before that, I spend days and nights to brainstorm what the channel is gonna be and what I expect from it. I collected ideas, listed what I need etc, and even the scripts. Maybe sounds too much for some of you, but believe me making videos–moreover if you have no background knowledge in film-making and directing–is hard. Even making stupid videos is still not easy.

    I may be a bit late to start at 26 if compared to many famous indonesian youtubers are so much younger than my age. But I think in one side it’s good because at this age I can think more deeply why and how to start things, meanwhile at younger age, fame (which they call a success) is most likely accidental than by design/ hardwork. That’s why many people are racing to do more and more stupid challenges or cringe-worthy videos for five-minutes fame. 

    At this age, I know my self and dont wanna be dictated by trend nor other people’s standard. I understand that it’s better to attract people who are also into your things than just people who demand you to entertain them by doing stupid controversy. I understand this because it’s actually not the first time I posted my videos to entertain/ share with people. When I was still a student I posted three lipsync videos of me to local songs that I kept on Facebook for years (now they’re erased in order to reduce the number of evidence of my puberty stupidity). At that time I didn’t know why I did it, I didnt care about what people can learn or get from me and how it would affect me in the future, but you know what, those vids got many views and likes instantly. I started with one stupid shallow video, then due to the good response I felt motivated to be more stupid (yeah, blame the audience too. Why they like to make stupid people famous!).

    But the so-called quarter-life crisis hit me, what is living and doing what we’re doing truly all about? Something that only looks fun or interesting is temporary. I dont wanna feel ashamed of my self when I look back to my past and realized that I’ve contributed the morality degradation. I dont wanna be found on Google search as the untalented girl who lipsync traditional songs. And I have to be realistic that by being idealistic, it will not be easy sometimes, because not all people share the same interest. Especially that crafting and sewing is not considered as a sexy hobby. LOL. Not many people know that girls who craft are actually the dream partner, we have the patience and loyalty not to just follow what’s in trend. Note that down, boys!

    My channel’s subscribers and views growth are not fast, but we should not compare ourselves to others. And in fact, even though it’s slow, it keeps making progress, and it’s better than nothing. After 8 months, I’ve gained over 340 subscribers and thousands views. The numbers are always growing so far, that I’ve reached the stage where I get one subscriber daily. In the first week, I could say I was feeling hopeless and unmotivated because I thought nobody’s gonna watch them. Seeing the statistics, I feel proud that I actually just had super low expectation, like ten people to watch my videos were enough for me at that time. So, now after seeing my videos gain hundreds of likes, it feels very great knowing that number of people liked and watched my videos and they found them useful or interesting. 

    But well, the other side of putting yourself on the internet is that you have to be ready with criticism which sometimes are not in the form of constructive criticism. There are many useless bullies on the internet that just like to bring other people down. I got my first hate comment just recently, saying that I looked like a crazy person and needed to go to mental hospital. Well that’s okay, I respect freedom of speech, besides, it’s also true that I am crazy. Sane people rarely make history.

    During 8 months, I evaluate what I’ve done not properly and what needs to be improved. One example, I underestimated myself and videos, that I used copyrighted music because I thought maybe only 100 people would watch them. I was wrong. Then I didn’t set clear target nor organize the social media optimally. In Bali, I’ve met some people making money from social media, youtube, blogs, podcasts, etc. I’ve learned from how they do things, so professional and dedicated. Money is not my priority, but it’s true everything in life should have a clear target.

    I haven’t monetized my videos, but I had been offered twice to speak in events about crafts. One of my target in 2018 is to reach 1000 subs. And there are still so many things I plan to do. Wish me luck and watch me nay-nay-nay!

    It’s always been there

    IMG_1176I was arranging my bookshelves when I stumbled upon my old notebooks and binders. I realised that I used to always keep two kinds of journals; diary and inspiration books. When I wanted to write about my feelings and experience, I poured in my diaries. Inspiration books are where I collaged everything that I liked from printed media, whether it’s quotes, articles, illustration, language learning, and fashion styles.

    These are some inspiration books I kept since 2006. At that time internet was expensive and there’s no Pinterest, I couldn’t just pin-and-save all the inspiration I like. I was a magazine addict, I hunted old English teenage magazines because I wanted to learn English (later I found out, English teenage magazines’ content was too ‘mature’ and ‘experienced’ for an ordinary nerdy Indonesian teen like me, seriously they talked about sex and sexual identity at that age, I was like, “Ouch!! Is it porn?”)

    I didn’t keep inspiration books anymore since I befriended more intensely with internet. Also after highschool I was distracted with so many silly things. Also, we often listen more to what other people say than to our selves. Now at this age, 10 years later, re-reading those books makes me realized there are some parts of me that’s always been there and haven’t changed. Yet, at some stage, I didn’t know it :

    1. I’ve always been fond of fashion; about 60% of the content is fashion collage. I cut all the looks that I like, they all have similarity, that explains my style. After learning fashion at 27 y.o, I knew that method is called Mood-boarding, that’s what fashion students and designers have to do to design a collection and to find what their styles are. Meaning I have had done it before I even know that’s a part of a curriculum in fashion design study. No wonder now I go back to what I dreamed at 16-17, to be a fashion designer.
    2. I love languages; I collected vocabs and idioms from books and movies. I always watched English movies with notebook and dictionary in my hands. I watched a movie more than once, first to follow the story, second to check the new vocabularies, third time to re-play with new knowledge I got. And not only English, I taught myself Japanese and Spanish ( I still can understand a little Japanese, but Spanish has been gone forever from my brain and muscle memory, haha!). Now, I am a big fan of illegal movie streaming, too many movies and videos to watch, I can’t waste my 6 hours for just one movie!
    3. I like writing; I created fiction, short stories and sometimes poems. But majority of my short stories dont have endings yet, I dont think it’s because I didnt know how to end them, I just hopped to other stories/ things that caught my attention.

    I see I made progress in my drawing and writing, language as well. I think these fashion moodboards by far have given me more inspiration than other resources I have now, because it’s already filtered by the old me to define the future me. The present me is stealing from myself in the past. Like Austin Kleon said, “We steal from ourselves; from dreams and memories.”

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    I drew this when I was a Japanese Manga-lover 16 y.o kid.

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    Those on the right are from 9 years ago. The green one is the most recent, a month ago.

    How about you, what have you stolen from your dreams and memories?

    Now it’s funny

    Living in Indonesia means you have to be accustomed to natural disasters and mysterious parking men whom we have to pay money to for their unavailing assistance. Western part of Sumatra island is prone to earthquake, that is where I had most of my earthquake experience when I stayed there for five years since my senior year in high school until I finished college.

    I hate earthquake not only because it scares the hell out of me but also because it forces me to make ultra super quick decisions about my life. I am very bad at being spontaneous, even when I navigate a journey with a GPS, if the driver asks me suddenly which way to go, I often say the wrong direction. My brain could not synchronize under pressure.

    My first earthquake experience in West Sumatra happened to me in the worst situation anyone would want to be during an earthquake, which is when I was totally naked. I was enjoying my bath like a princess, shampooing my hair like Pantene commercials, life was perfect. Until then all of a sudden I felt my boarding house was moving like waves, I thought my shampoo had caused me drunk, but it’s not possible because I used the shampoo on my hair, not in my mouth. It was the bloody earthquake! OMG, can’t you just wait until I get dressed, earthquake??!!

    That’s the first time in my life I had to choose between my self-esteem and my safety. What if I ran out naked and the earthquake stopped after I threw away my dignity–that I actually questioned if I had one. But if I chose to at least get dressed first, what if the earthquake got worse and torn the house apart? Then I could have died while locking my bra, which is not the dead position I want to die in. I waited for some seconds, still naked, but the shaking kept getting harder so I just got out of the bathroom and found something to cover my body with. No bra, underwear nor pants needed, a very simple and cover-it-all clothing, which was a mukena (RED–a praying cloth for muslim women) that was not even mine!

    I managed to escape out of the house with my emergency-dignity-saving cloth, my flatmates and landlords were already outside, frightened. Not because of seeing me coming out of the house, but because of the earthquake of course. I saw some of the neighbors were also wearing mukenas, I wondered if they were also naked underneath.

    Then my landlord decided to take us all to safer place heading to higher area in the city because we were afraid it had tsunami potentials, so we should move from the downtown area to a more hilly place. So my landlord commanded us to hurrily pack our belongings and valuables. We entered the house with anxiety and fear of following earthquakes. The first thing I did was of course getting dressed, then another earthquake hit when I just finished clothing my self, but again and again I had to make a quick decisions about the things I had to bring for my survival, what are the things I couldnt live without that I had to pack in my pink backpack. I didn’t think much, I just grabbed anything I saw and ran downstairs.

    In the car, my flatmates and I were still shocked by our experience. Since now I had more laxness to think and breathe normally, I wanted to check what I had packed inside my backpack, because it felt heavy. And what I found inside made my eyes out!! I just put my school textbooks into my survival kit! WTH was I thinking?? Ironically the textbooks I brought were Math and History. Seriously, of all subjects that Indonesian kids are forced to learn, why did I choose to save my Math book, a subject that I am most allergic to!! History book was still okay, just in case I couldn’t sleep if we had to stay in evacuation place, the book would be useful for my bedtime story. But Math??? It’s the first thing that I said “I hate you” to in my life, I felt haunted by it, like it forced to stay in my life. To make it worse, that goddamn math textbook was fricking thick like 300 pages, meanwhile my history book was only 200 something. For real?? As I can remember math books were just filled with numbers, spaces, brackets, and Xs and Ys, how could it be thicker than my history book?? Whose idea was this?? I needed to kill him/ her.

    I looked at my friend’s next to me, I realised that the t-shirt she chose to wear on that scary day had this writing : “Oh, what a wonderful experience!” along with drawings of sunflower, rainbow and butterfly. Really?? Of all her clothes she chose that reality-contradictory tee?? I wondered if what she had in her bag was worse than my choice or not.

    From that first experience, I learned that I had to always prepare my survival backpack so that I could easily directly grabbed if earthquake happened again. I promised my self to directly prepare my survival and pack my valuables as soon as we got back.

    It’s almost midnight that we reached back home and chose to sleep in our boarding house as the condition was getting calmer. With a strong determination, I walked to my room, ready to pack my valuables. Then I just realised, I was a high school student and hadn’t started earning money, the question was not even “What valuable things in my life that I have to CHOOSE to save?” but “Do I even have anything worth-saving??” What I treated like gold and diamond at that time was my Naruto DVDs collection, that wouldn’t help me if Armageddon came to me. I didn’t have laptop or netbook, just a very old computer inherited from my brother that I would have been so thankful if anything destroyed it. It’s a kind of mixed feelings knowing that everything I had in my life was worthless, but at the same time relieved that I didn’t need to worry about anything but my own life.

    I knocked on my flatmate’s door, she was also packing. I saw a teddy bear doll in her survival bag, I asked why she needed a doll for an emergency situation, she said it was from her boyfriend, she’s taking all the gifts from her BF inside her bag, maybe she thought that would be a romantic way to die. That’s a proof that love makes us stupid sometimes. I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t need to save any stupid dolls because I didn’t have any BF to give me any silly furry things, I hadn’t even dated at that age as I was a late blossom. My nothingness was complete. I felt free.

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    Life illustrated, Doodling my life

    I love thinking about life and laugh at it, whether it’s the past, present or the future expectation. Simple little things that are sometimes silly and we’re shy to talk about to people while actually others are doing the same silly things. We can feel connected to others when one can open up through many mediums, it can be words, songs, videos, drawings, etc. I’ve tried some of them, now I’m trying a new one for my own amusement to laugh about my life, maybe people can feel related to it.

    Since in school, I’ve been always the type of student who draws anything that happens in her head about the class–and sometimes the teachers–in her friends’ books (not in my books, i liked to keep my own books clean and free from evidence just in case unexpected bad things happened).

    My skill in drawing is just so-so or maybe below average, but I have the ability to express myself well, or at least to me my drawings are still understandable. Using my Samsung tablet, I like to draw random things from silly, good, somewhat inspirational, and naughty (wink!) things and send them to people I am close to. A bit out of topic, it’s why I decided to buy my Samsung Tablet that comes with a stylus pen instead of an overpriced Apple Ipad. Though the real reason was because I was too poor to afford one.

    I’ve been posting some of them on my Instagram and made it one of the regular contents in my account (beside my self-obsessed selfies). I even tried to manage the display of my account to make my doodles ordered in one line because I am somewhat OCD, but it means have to regularly post one doodle every after 2 posts, otherwise it will hurt those pedantic eyes. I use black background and white ink color only to be my trademark, few times I put more colors, but the black background is a fixed one.

    Here are some of my doodles, will be posting more of it here later. Visit and follow my IG for more. Cheers!